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Director: Places everyone.

Nana Noodleman:

Once there was way to get back homeward

Once there was a way to get back home.

Sleep little darling, do not cry. And I will sing a lullaby...

Buster Moon (voice-over): This was it. The moment it all began. The moment an ordinary little guy fell in love with theater. Everything about it: the lights, the way the scenery moved, even the smell. He was only six years old, but his plans to become the first koala bear in space were suddenly... toast. Some folks may have said he grew up to be the greatest showman the city has ever seen. Some called him a visionary. A maverick. Sure some folks said he was as crazy as he was stubborn, but I say wonder and magic don't come easy, pal. And oh, there would never be any doubt. The name Buster Moon would go down in entertainment history. [scene changes to Buster Moon's office, where Buster Moon, grown up is seen]

Buster: And I should know because I am Buster... [door knocks]

Voice: Moon! Open this door! [Miss Crawly enters his office]

Miss Crawly: Good morning, Mr. Moon.

Buster: Miss Crawly. What uh, what's going on?

Miss Crawly: You got a lot of animals waiting to see you, Mr. Moon.

Buster: I do? [looks out the window] Holy moly, I really do.

Miss Crawly: Yeah, it's the stage crew from your last show. They say that your paychecks bounced and--

Buster: Tell them I'll call up the bank and make sure they're paid toute suite.

Miss Crawly: Oh. I got Judith from the bank holding on line two right now, sir.

Buster: Um. Actually, I'm going to have to call her back.

Miss Crawly: Oh. What should I tell her this time?

Buster: Tell her Buster Moon is out to lunch!

Voice: Moon. Open this door!

Voice #2: Come on, Moon! I know you're in there!

Voice #3: Moon! Open this door!

Buster: (gasps)

(bicycle bell ringing)

Animals: (gasps)

Johnny:

In your mind, could you ever be, really close to me? I can tell the way you smile.

If I feel that I, could be certain then, I would say the things I want to say to--

(radio static is heard. Two rhino police officers eating donuts approach, Johnny hides behind the wall)

Johnny: (gasp)

Police officer: I thought I heard someone singing there. Ah whatever.

Johnny: (gasp. Pulls out walkie-talkie) Guys listen, stay where you are! The cops are here!

Police officer: Hold it right there!

Big Daddy: Go, go, go!

Police officer: Whoa!

Johnny: (panting) Whoa!

Big Daddy: Johnny! You were supposed to be keeping a look out!

Johnny: Sorry Dad.

Big Daddy: And where's your mask?

Rosita:

Do you ever feel like a plastic bag

Drifting through the wind, wanting to start again?

Do you ever feel, feel so paper thin...

Casper: Look at me, I'm Mommy. La, la, la, la!

Rosita: Casper, get off the table.

Norman: Rosita, have you seen my car keys?

Casper: La, la, la, la!

Rosita: Norman, Would you please tell them what a good singer I am?

Norman: Oh, yeah, you were great, honey. (kisses Rosita in her cheek) By the way, the bathroom sink is blocked again. Bye, honey!

Lance: 1, 2, 1 2 3 4!

I don't wanna talk to ya!

Ash:

Nothing to say!

Lance:

I don't wanna walk with ya!

Ash:

Outta my way!

Lance:

I'm not gonna play for ya!

Ash:

Don't wanna play!

Lance:

I don't need anyone else!

Ash:

Yeah, yeah! I live my life by myself, Yeah, yeah!

Can't stand the things that you say!

Lance:

I'm not listening any--

(music stops)

Harry: Oh my gosh. I thought you guys said you were musicians.

Lance: Ash, babe, I'm the lead singer, okay? Just stick to the backing vocals.

Ash: Sorry, I-- I get carried away.

Lance: Yeah I know right. It just kind of ruins my song, ya know?

Meena's family:

Happy birthday to you,

Happy birthday to you,

Happy birthday--

Meena:

Dear Grandpa.

Happy birthday, to you.

Meena: (gasps)

Meena's family: Aww.

Meena: (chuckles) What? Come on, make your wish.

Meena's grandfather: Hmm! I wish you'd join the choir. A local band, or something.

Meena: I tried!

Grandpa: Bah!

Meena's mother: Hey, hey, Dad! We've been over this.

Grandpa: So she's a little shy. So what? If I had a voice like Meena's, I'd be a superstar by now! Just singing... Ooh yeah, Ah...

Meena: Sure you would, Grandpa. Now blow out your candles.

Grandpa: (scoffs)

[Meena's grandpa blows out the candles with his trunk. The scene changes to a railroad subway. On the steps, Mike the mouse is playing the saxophone. A baboon puts a penny in the case. Mike stops playing and looks at it.]

Mike: A penny? How dare you? I happened to have studied at the Lincoln School of Music!

Baboon: Sorry, that's all I've got.

Mike: Oh, is that so? [leaps on the baboon] All right, prove it, pal!

Baboon: What?

Mike: Empty you pockets, right now! [The baboon empties his pockets.]

Baboon: (sighs) Trying to find...

Mike: What is this you got here?

Baboon: I'm just trying to find...

Mike: (looks at an inhaler) What do ya smoke outta this?

Baboon: That's my inhaler. [a wad of money falls out of his pocket]

Mike: Aha! I knew it! [grabs the wad] You all saw it! You all saw it right here! The monkey lied!

[The animals witnessing the scene gasp collectively]

Baboon: I forgot I had that.

Mike: And next time, pick on someone your own size, ya bully. [flicks the clip at the baboon]

[Scene changes to Buster riding to Les Calmars]

Buster: (sighs) Take care of her, would you? She may look old and rusty, but she is a classic!

[Inside, Buster is seen sitting with his friend, Eddie Noodleman, a sheep]

Buster: Okay, listen. we both know that my theater has been going through some pretty tough times lately. But as the saying goes, "For every cloud, a silver lining." We've got...

Eddie: Ah, buh, buh, buh. Hold on right there, Buster. My dad, he heard I was gonna see you today and he was all like, "Eddie, you tell that koala I'm not funding any more of those shows and that's final." Those were his words.

Buster: Your dad's right. Those shows were the problem. "War of Attrition". "Rosie Takes a Bow"! I mean, nobody wants to see that stuff anymore. So what do I do?

Eddie: Quit?

Buster: No. I give them a show they cannot resist, which is gonna be--

Waiter: (clears throat)

Buster: Just one more minute, s'il vous plaít.

Waiter: (grumbles)

Buster: Merci!

Eddie: Don't speak French, they speak English here.

Buster: Now, my next show is gonna be, drumroll please: A singing competition!

Eddie: A singing competition? Who wants to see another one of those?

Buster: Everyone! Just think, your neighbor, the, the grocery store manager, that chicken right there. Everyone in this city gets a shot at being a star, live on my stage!

Eddie: Buster, this is a terrible idea.

Buster: Oh no, it's not. Real talent from real life. That's what audiences want, and I am gonna give it to them! [accidentally bangs a spoon which sends it flying across the room, hitting an ox, making him drop his cell phone in his soup]

Eddie: Can we please just get out of here?

Buster: Don't you want eat?

Eddie: Yeah, but we can't afford any of this.

Buster: Yes, I know, and that's why [pulls out a lunch box and throws a sandwich to Eddie] I brought sandwiches.

Eddie: Uh, That's not allowed, and... (groan)

Buster: What, you don't like peanut butter and jelly?

Waiter: Excuse me, sir.

Buster: Okay, look, I got cream cheese, I got banana-- (The waiter grabs Buster and throws him outside, Eddie goes outside holding his jacket)

Eddie: You ok?

Buster: Yep, never better.

(In Buster's office, Miss Crawly is seen at her desk until Buster calls her through the intercom)

Buster: Miss Crawly?

Miss Crawly: Hello? (exclaims) Uh, who is it?

Buster: It's me. (clears throat) Your boss. Mr. Moon.

Miss Crawly: Oh, hello, Mr. Moon.

Buster: There we go. Now, I need you to add the following information to our publicity flyers.

Miss Crawly: Yes, sir.

Buster: The winner of the singing contest will receive a grand prize of... $935. Hmm. Gonna need more then that. Just a second. Uh, there. (grunts) $1,000. You got it?

Miss Crawly: $1,000. Oh! (The fan blows on her face too much her glass eye pops out and it hits the zero key twice changing it from $1,000 to $100,000)

Buster: Print them up on every single sheet of paper we have left, and let's spread the word right away, okay?

Miss Crawly: (stammers) Oh, yes, sir. (pushes the printer button and looks for her glass eye that's fallen under a stool, not realizing her mistake) Okay, come on out there.

Buster: (inhales deeply) Ah, the winds of change. Yep, when this show's a hit, I'm gonna get you a fresh coat of paint. [opens the door at Miss Crawly's office] How are we doing with those fliers, Miss Crawly?

Miss Crawly: (holding the flyers) Oh, yes, sir. We're all good to go here.

(The fan blows the flyers away out the window)

Miss Crawly: Whoa...

Buster: Miss Crawly, no! No, no, no!

Miss Crawly: Oopsie-daisy.

Buster: (sighs) Well, I guess that's one way to spread the word.

Animals: (gasping)

Ash: Hey, Lance, look at this!

Lance: Ash, babe. Hey!

(siren wailing)

(indistinct chatter)

Meena: (humming)

Meena's Mom: Meena!

Mike: Hey, hey, hey! What do ya think you're--

Rosita: Uh-huh. Yeah.

(alarm ringing)

Buster: (yawns)

(thuds)

Buster: (groans) Ow. Mmm. (brushes his teeth) Ah. (puts on his clothes and exits his desk) Let's go to work. And cue the crazy lizard. (Miss Crawly enters)

Miss Crawly: Good morning, Mr. Moon.

Buster: Indeed it is, Miss Crawly! Top of the morning to you.

Miss Crawly: I made you some coffee.

Buster: You did? Where is it?

Miss Crawly: Oh, I got a little thirsty on the way up those stairs. Should I open the doors now?

Buster: The doors?

Miss Crawly: You've got a line of animals waiting to audition, Mr. Moon.

Buster: I do? (looks out the window and drops his mug in surprise) Holy moly, I really do.

(A huge, long line of happy animals is outside the theater waiting to audition. Buster calls Eddie)

Buster: I swear to you, Eddie! It's no joke! Look, just get down there and see for yourself! I gotta go. (laughs) This is it, Miss Crawly! Get your scaly tail downstairs and throw those doors open wide!

Animals: (cheering)

Miss Crawly: Okay, um, one at the time, please. Calm down.

(All singing pop song)

Gunter:

Ra-ah-ah-ah-ah, Ro-ma-ma-ma-ma, Ga-ga-ooh-la-la! Want your bad romance!

Frogs:

Jump! Jump! Jump! Might as well jump!

Rosita: Bye Iddy, bye Perry, bye Carla, bye Gail, bye, Rory, bye Mickey, bye Moe, bye Nelson, bye Hannah, bye Tess, bye bye, Casper. Phew!

Sheep:

Baby, I can take you a kiss from a rose.

Q-Teez:

L! U! C! K!

L! U! C! K!

(Buster looks weirded out and Miss Crawly seems to enjoy it)

Turtles:

I love my shoes. I love my shoes.

Richard:

Come my lady. Come come my lady. You're my butterfly, sugar, baby.

Bob: Uh, let's hear from a few more of the folks in line. What about you, sir?

Hippo: Well, Bob. I'm a lab technician for a leading pharmaceutical company, but I was born with a gift. And that gift is to sing!

Hippo:

(scatting, playing the keyboard)

(Next audition shows a trio of bunnies twerking. Buster seems to enjoy it and Miss Crawly looks horrified)

Bunnies:

Oh my gosh! Look at her butt!

Oh my gosh! Look at her--

(Next audition shows Ash and Lance rocking out, blowing Buster and Miss Crawly's minds)

Lance:

I live my life by myself!

Ash:

Yeah yeah!

Lance:

Can't stand the things that you say!

Ash:

Yeah yeah!

Both:

I'm not listening

Ash:

Anyway! Yeah!

(An alpaca plays her guitar and before she can sing, she restrings it. She plays, then she restrings it again, then it repeats, much to the dismay of Buster and Miss Crawly)

Puffins:

Lollipop, lollipop, oh lolli lolli lolli lollipop.

Lollipop, lollipop, oh lolli lolli lolli lollipop.

(At the garage, Big Daddy is seen hitting a punching bag. Johnny pops in)

Johnny: Oy, Dad, I'm just going out!

Big Daddy: Well, don't be long, I've got the gang comin' over!

(Johnny exits the garage and rides off on his skateboard. At the entrance of the Moon Theater, Mike is seen being interviewed by Bob, with Rosita standing by)

Mike: Well, look, I mean I'm sure you're gonna get a lot of namby-pamby animals in here saying things like, "Oh, it's not winning, it's the taking part that counts!" Yeah, yeah, not me, pal. I'm here to win. That prize... it's mine!

Crocodile:

People say "Yo, Humpty. You're really funny lookin'." That's alright cuz I get things cookin'.

Beaver:

Working 9 to 5.

Sherry-Anne:

We can dance if we want to.

Spiders:

Aserejé, ja, de je, de jebe you de--

Pete:

HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYYYYYYYY--

Ray:

Ride, like the wind! Ride like the--

Daniel:

Ben, the two of us need to look no more.

Johnny:

This ain't love it's clear to see.

But darling, stay with me.

Buster: Wow! Thank you, Johnny!

Miss Crawly: Okay, next up we have Meena.

Johnny: Good luck out there.

Meena: All right, come on, Here we go, come on, you can do it, you can do it. [She walks up to the stage and accidentally knocks the microphone down. She picks it up.] Oh, I'm sorry.

Buster: Okay. Hey, it's all alright. You know what, that's all right. Take it away, Meena.

Meena: (adjusting the microphone, nervously) Uh, okay. Uh...

Buster: Any time now. (Meena stands there still nervous) Do you want to start over?

Meena: Um... (her heart beating, Mike shoos her away)

Mike: All right, enough of that. That's quite enough of that. That's it, come on. Off the stage, Helga. Go on, you're useless. Thanks. All right, here we go. Hit it! (flips his hat on Buster's head and sings in the style of Frank Sinatra)

Every time it rains, it rains pennies from heaven

Don't you know each cloud contains...

Meena: (grunts)

Rosita:

You just gotta ignite the light

And let it shine

Just own the night like the Fourth of July

Cause baby you're a firework

(Time passes until dusk and all the auditions are over)

Miss Crawly: (exhausted) Okay, that's everyone, Mr. Moon.

Buster: Phew! Alright, call everyone back to stage, Miss Crawly, and let's get... Ohh!

Miss Crawly: (talking through her megaphone) Hello! Uh, can I have everybody back to stage, please? Everyone, come back to stage for selections.

Buster: Okay. Thank you, Miss Crawly.

Miss Crawly: (still talking into the megaphone into Buster's ear) You're welcome, Mr. Moon!

(all the contestants await nervously for Buster's decisions)

Buster: All right. Let's see, now.

Animals: (gasps)

Buster: I'll take... You guys.

Frogs: (cheering)

Buster: And which one of you is the girl?

Ash: (sarcastically) Ha ha. Very funny.

Buster: "Loud and horrible, but shows promise." Welcome to the show.

Lance: Heh, cool. I guess we could hang.

Buster: No, no. I just want her, not you.

Ash/Lance: What?

Buster: All right, the rest of the group acts, thank you so much.

Animals: (disappointment sighs)

Buster: Oh, don't feel bad, folks. There'll be a 10% discount on tickets for everyone!

Voice: Yeah, thanks a lot.

Lance: Psh. Let's get outta here, Ash. Ash?

Ash: Uh, yeah. Yeah, let's go.

Buster: Okay, soloists. Johnny, Mike, Pete, Richard, Daniel, and Ray.

(The six called soloists come towards Buster)

Buster: Mike, Wowza! I've got to have you in my show!

Mike: Ah, well, if you insist! (chuckles)

Buster: And I'll take Pete.

Pete: Oh, Yeah!

Buster: And one more. Let me see, now. (Richard farts in Buster's face)

Richard: Oh my gosh. I am so sorry. (gasps) What is wrong with me?

Buster: Whoo! Uh, thanks for coming, Richard.

Richard: (sighs and grunts)

Ray: (screams)

Richard: Oh, my-- Ray! Are you all right?

Ray: (groans)

Richard: Just hang in there, Ray. I got you. Oh! Oh! Oops!

Buster: Okay, then I'll take... Daniel. Thank you, Johnny.

Animals: (disappointment sighs)

Buster: Daniel, can you hear me? You're in the show!

Daniel: What? Are you talking to me?

Buster: Yes. (into the megaphone) I was saying that you are in-- Oh, geez, this is gonna drive me nuts. Johnny, get back here, you're in! Thank you, Daniel! Goodbye!

Johnny: (quietly) Yes!

Buster: Okay. that's everyone on my list.

Animals: (disappointment sighs)

Buster: Uhm, wait a second. Rosita. Is Rosita still here?

Rosita: Oh, yes! Yes, I'm here!

Buster: Rostia, Rosita, Rosita. "Great set of pipes but boring to watch."

Rosita: (sighs) I knew it.

Buster: So, what should I do? I could partner you up with... Gunter. Gunter! Where are ya?

Gunter: Ja! Ja, this is me! (Gunter runs up to Rosita and performs a leap and lands next to her)

Buster: (laughs) Ja! He's gonna spice things up on stage.

Rosita: Wait. You want us to sing... together?

Gunter: Yeah! The two of us together. You joking me? We're going to be spicy, no? (chuckles)

(Outside, Eddie walks up to the entrance and sees the animals leaving)

Sherry-Anne's Mom: That koala's a fool, Sherry-Anne. You are gonna be a star one day.

Hippo: Auditions are over, pal. Show's already been cast.

Buster: Okay. You, are my chosen few.

Johnny: Yes!

All: (exclaims happily)

Buster: This is it, folks! A defining moment in all of our lives! [The Q-Teez walk next to Buster] Um, no. No, no, no. Not you guys. I dismissed all of the group acts already. You, you can go home.

Blue Q-Tee: (speaking Japanese)

Buster: Look, I'm really sorry, but all of the slots are filled.

Blue Q-Tee: (speaking Japanese)

Buster: No, no, listen! No in show. Bye, bye! Miss Crawly!

Miss Crawly: Come on, you guys! Out of... Out of here. Come on. Off the stage. Thank you so much. (Miss Crawly shoos them off. Eddie sees them leave and takes a seat. Then he puts out a flyer underneath and looks at it)

Mike: Hey, Moon. What's the story? Is the prize really inside this thing?

Buster: The prize? Oh, sure. Yes, it's all-- It's all in there.

Mike: Well open it, will ya? I wanna see what $100,000 looks like.

Rosita: Yeah, go on.

Johnny: Me, too!

Rosita: Open it, Mr. Moon.

Buster: Sure, I'll open it. (realizes) Wait. What did you say?

Eddie: He said $100,000.

Buster: A hundred-- (looks at the flyer and yelps) Uh... (nervous chuckles) I forgot my keys. Koala be right back. (He pushes Miss Crawly with him)

(Cut to Buster's office as Miss Crawly is seen sobbing)

Buster: For the last time, Miss Crawly. I'm not going to fire you. Now would you pull yourself together and please... blow that nose of yours.

Miss Crawly: (blowing her nose with her tissue)

Buster: No, no. Not in here. Blow it outside.

Miss Crawly: (leaves) I'm sorry.

Buster: Thank you.

Eddie: Buster, what do you expect? She's like, 200 years old.

Buster: Eddie, please. Look, If your folks could just loan me the money--

Eddie: (laughs) $100,000? Buster, come on.

Buster: (exhales) I got to think, I got to think, I got to think...

Eddie: Look, maybe it's time to stop thinking, and it's time to just move on. I mean, this theater of yours, you could get some decent money for it and... I don't know, maybe we could do something together.

Buster: What? What, sitting around playing video games? AHH!! (points to a bucket) Do you know what that is?

Eddie: Uh, it's a bucket?

Buster: Yes, and do you know why I have this bucket?

Eddie: Because the roof is leaking?

Buster: No, that's the bucket for the leak. (points to the other bucket) I have this one, because it belonged to my father. Everyday for 30 years, he worked his tail off washing cars just so I could buy this place. Everyday, Eddie. Just for me. (sighs)

Eddie: Wow. Sounds like a great dad. (sighs) So how do you wanna handle this?

Miss Crawly: Uh, Mr. Moon, I got Judith from the bank holding on the line two again.

Buster: (sighs) Well, there's only one thing I can do.

(Buster puts his bucket up and goes to the stage)

Buster: Okay, everybody, listen up! I gotta send you all home. Right now.

All: Huh? What? etc.

Buster: Yep, 'cause like my dad used to say, "Get a good night's sleep and do the great day's work!"

Eddie: (groans)

Buster: That's right. Rehearsal's begin first thing tomorrow morning. And if you want become stars and win 100 grand, then you better be ready to work harder then you've ever worked in your lives. So, get some sleep, and dream big dreams!

All: (cheering)

Johnny: Blimey!

Gunter: This is great!

Q-Teez:

Kira Kira Kira Happy Happy Happy

Buster: Miss Crawly!

Rosita: (chuckles)

Miss Crawly: Come on, that's enough now. Come on, off the stage. Please.

Eddie: "Dream big dreams"?

Buster: I know, it's good, right?

Eddie: What about the 100 grand?

Buster: Don't you worry, Eddie. There's got to be a way to get it.

Eddie: What? Buster, No! Listen to me: this show is not gonna save your theater. You're at rock bottom, pal!

Buster: Yep. And you know what's great about hitting rock bottom, Eddie? There's only one way left to go, and that's up!

Bob: And you can see the lucky few leaving the theater behind me. Now back to you in the studio, John--

Meena: (sniffles)

Meena's Mom: Oh, honey, please don't cry. You are not a failure. There'll be other chances, you just--

Grandpa: Bah! The heck, there will!

Meena's Mom: Dad, please.

Grandpa: Come on! Don't you want this?

Meena: Well, sure, but I messed it up.

Grandpa: Then you gotta go back there tomorrow and say, "Mr. Moon, I demand you let me re-audition!" Be confident! Show 'em you ain't gonna be pushing around! You got that, Meena?

Meena: Um...

Grandpa: Good. Now go get my cocoa.

Lance:

I won't sell out for nobody, won't follow no fool.

Ash: Would you stop? I'd only be doing it for us.

Lance: (chuckles) Oh, really?

Ash: Yes, really. If I won that money, we could build our own recording studio, start our own label. I mean, the whole world would get to hear your songs.

Lance:

I'm not listening to my girlfriend

Ash: (groan)

Cuz she just wants to sell out.

Mike: Ah...

Mike: Hey! Just a minute. Oh, wait. Wait! Aw, look at-- I know Derek, the manager. He'll vouch for me! Come on!

Bear Leader: Hey, Mario! How's it going?

Mike: Oh, for crying out loud! Yeah, let the bears in. Let the bears in. Fine. (blows a note on his saxophone)

Big Daddy: There he is! I got a surprise for you, my son. (laughs)

Johnny: What's that?

Big Daddy: Tell him the plan.

Stan: Right. We've been told there's a ship carrying $25 million in gold gonna dock at night right here. With the usual guards here and here, but lucky for us, there's a sewer right under here. So, the getaway driver meets us here.

Big Daddy: And that is gonna be you this time, Johnny.

Johnny: What? You want, you want me to drive?

Big Daddy: Yeah. It's time my boy had a proper role in the gang, eh?

Johnny: Hang on, hang on. Dad, Barry's always been our driver.

Big Daddy: Barry don't mind. Do you, Barry?

Barry: No. No, that's fine.

Big Daddy: Yeah.

Johnny: So when exactly is this ship comin' in then?

Stan: We ain't exactly got a date yet.

Johnny: Probably won't be for a while though, will it?

Big Daddy: What do you care? It's the last job we ever need to do. When it comes in, we go. Right?

Johnny: Great. Can't wait.

(Piglets chattering)

Rosita: Um, hi, I saw your ad in the paper. Yes, I need a nanny, just for a couple of weeks. You can? Great! The kids? Yes, they're wonderful. Yeah, I have 25. No, I'm not joking. Um, but they're really no problem-- (phone disconnects) Hello? Hello?

Piglet: Good night, Mommy.

Rosita: Hey! How was the big meeting?

Norman: (groans)

Rosita: That bad, really? Oh, I have something really exciting to tell you...

Norman: Mmm. You make the best pie, honey.

Rosita: Listen, Norman, I know it's short notice, but I could really use some help with the kids tomorrow because, well, you are not going to believe what I did today. Norman, are you listening to me?

Norman: (snoring)

Buster: Rehearsal's begin first thing tomorrow morning, so get some sleep, and dream big dreams! (echoes) Dreams, dreams!

Rosita: Hmm.

(clattering)

(whirring)

(drill whirring)

(hammering)

(sawing)

(alarm rings)

Piglets: (scattered yawns)

Rosita (on recording): Good morning, everybody. Now, I want you all dressed before breakfast.

(train whistling blows)

Piglets: Breakfast! (chattering indistinctly)

Norman: Rosita, have you seen my car keys?

Rosita: Don't forget, your keys are in your coat pocket.

Norman: Oh, I found 'em. Bye, honey.

Rosita: Bye, Norman. Time for school! Bye Iddy, bye Perry, bye Carla, bye Gail, bye, Rory, bye Mickey, bye Moe, bye Nelson, bye Hannah, bye Tess, bye bye, Casper.

Buster: This contest is war! This stage is the battlefield. Your song is your weapon. Now you only get one shot to blow that audience away, so choose carefully from the list of songs I've selected of each of you. Ah, talked some sense into that boyfriend of yours?

Ash: Lance is an artist, but I wouldn't expect you to understand that.

Buster: You're right. I don't understand that at all. Now, you'll notice each list also includes my costume and performance suggestions. Okay? Miss Crawly will show you to your rehearsal spaces. Now, let's get to work!

Johnny: Excuse me, Mr. Moon? For some reason, it says here that I should be playing the piano?

Buster: Yes, just imagine, big soulful guy like you tenderly playing the keys. There'll be goosebumps everywhere!

Johnny: Well, I haven't played piano since I was a kid.

Buster: Miss Crawly! We're gonna need some piano lessons over here.

Miss Crawly: Yes, sir! Up the stairs, I'll be right along.

Buster: And, Pete, you're in here.

Pete: You got it, Mr. Moon.

(indistinct shouting)

Howie: Check your ego, man!

Buster: Hey, hey, hey, hey, break it up, break it up.

Howie: Oh yeah? Tell Ricky! He started it!

Ricky: That's right! Just like I started this band! MY band, Howie!

Howie: Oh, forgive me, your highness.

Kai: Guys, come on!

Buster: No, no! Hey! Get out! Get out of here!

(Japanese song playing)

Buster: Look, just calm down and pick a song.

Rosita: I think we'll probably have a better chance of winning if I do the singing part and leave the dancing part to you.

Gunter: Bah! Are you joking me? You are just in need of like, a super cool warm-up. Come on! Let's take off these clothes!

Rosita: That, that is not necessary. Oh! That is a lot of skin.

Gunter: Ah, don't you look so worried face! I've got one for you, too!

Mike: Hey, porky! Keep it down, will ya?

Gunter: Sorry.

Ash: Hey, Moon. You gave me the wrong list. Cheesy pop's not exactly my style.

Buster: Style! I'm glad you brought that up. Now, let's see... (picks out a small pink dress) There.

Ash: (exclaims)

Buster: Isn't this a great color for you?

Ash: I can't tell. It's melting my eyes. You got anything in black?

Buster: Black? What, you want everyone to think you're going to a funeral? Think you're some kind of artsy-fartsy type? No, no, no, no, no. (picks out a sparkly dress) Bingo! Pop star princess!

(The power in the building goes out)

Johnny: The lights are out!

Rosita: Wait, what happened?

Gunter: Is this part of the competition?

Buster: Okay, everybody. Don't panic, don't panic.

Mike: What's going on?

Buster: Talk to me, Crawly.

Miss Crawly: When did we last pay the power company, Mr. Moon?

Buster: Oh, for Pete's sake. Okay, don't worry, everybody. I will take care of this. In the meantime, you will continue to rehearse in the dark.

Ash: What?

Rosita: But I can't see anything.

Gunter: Don't you worry, Rosita. I have glow sticks.

Buster: Great! Use this time to shake off those first day inhibitions, and I'll be right back.

Mike: You got to be kidding me.

Miss Crawly: Okay, you heard him. Back to work now! Come on, everybody.

Buster: (yelps) Sorry, old girl. I'll fix that. (screams)

Meena: (shrieks)

Buster: Hey.

Meena: Mr. Moon? You probably don't remember me, but I auditioned yesterday and I...

Buster: Hey, listen. Do you think, maybe, you could reach the ledge?

Meena: That ledge?

Buster: Whoa-oh! That's a heck of a trunk you've got there! Thanks a lot, kid!

Meena: Uh, Mr. Moon? My name is Meena, and I baked a cake for you and, uh, I was wondering if you'd, maybe, give me a second chance to...

Buster: Just a moment, please. Be right with ya. Hmm. (strains)

Johnny: (playing piano)

(electricity crackles)

Mike: Yay! It's about time.

Johnny: (continues playing piano)

Miss Crawly: (groans) Johnny...

Buster: Yep, mind your head here. Hey, can you pull that scenic cable?

Meena: You mean this?

Buster: Yes, that's it!

Meena: (pulls the scenic cable)

Buster: Great. And the house lights? (Meena pulls the house lights)

Meena: Wow.

Buster: Oh, I know. Beautiful, isn't she? You know what, kid? How would you like to be a part of this show?

Meena: Really? Wait, oh my gosh, I was gonna ask about that.

Buster: Great! Because I could really use a stagehand.

Meena: Stagehand? But...

Buster: Ah, don't worry about it. You're gonna pick it up in no time. I'll teach you everything I know. Follow me. There are the rehearsal spaces and dressing rooms and up here, we got workshops and main office.

Gunter: Up in the air! Touch your toes!

Pete: (vocalizing)

Ash: (playing guitar)

Meena: Awesome.

Mike: Awesome? (scoffs) I think the word you're after is "awful," and that's me restraining myself. There's not an ounce of talent between 'em. Not an ounce. In fact, you know what? I think that prize is as good as mine already.

Mike: Yes, indeed. I am about to come into a very, very large sum of money. $100,000 to be precise.

Banker: Well, is that so? In that case, sir, you'll be wanting our platinum card.

Mike: (gasps)

(car honks)

(hip-hop music playing)

Mike: Well, well, well... Hello again.

Mike: (chuckles)

Ash/Lance: (laughing)

Lance: Oh man! These are like the cheesiest songs of all time!

Ash: I know, right? I mean, I was even thinking of writing my own song instead.

Lance: Wait, what? Your own song?

Ash: Well, yeah.

Lance: Look, if you want to win that money, just do what the koala says.

Ash: Why? You think I can't write my own song?

Lance: Whoa, whoa. I'm just saying, not everyone can write songs, okay? I know I make it look easy, babe. But it's not.

Meena: (humming)

Grandma: Oh, here she is! Quiet down, everybody.

Animals: (shushing)

Grandpa: So, Meena! Are you in the show?

Meena: Uh, well, yeah. Kinda. But...

Animals: (loud cheering)

Meena's Mom: I knew it! I knew it!

Grandpa: She did it!

Meena's Mom: Oh, I'm so proud of you! I could pop!

Grandpa: That's my birthday wish comin' true right there!

Meena: Mom! What the heck?

Meena's Mom: Wait a minute, wait a minute. Don't be mad, ok? It was your grandma. She told the whole street about your audition.

Meena: Mom, no, wait.

Meena's Mom: Shush, baby. You need to save that singing voice of yours. So, from now on, just nod or shake your head, ok?

(Meena nods her head)

Meena's Mom: (chuckles)

Johnny: How was that, Dad?

Big Daddy: You're still too soft on the corners, Johnny. You got to attack 'em. And you're crunchin' the gears. I told you, you got to be gentle with the... Look, turn that down. (Johnny drives away) Oi! Listen to your father!

Johnny: (imitating Big Daddy) Too soft on the corners, Johnny! You're not doing it right, Johnny! Speed up, Johnny! Do it like I showed ya-- (screams)

(tires squeal)

Johnny: Dad? Oh no, I've run over my dad. (exclaims)

Big Daddy: Now that is more like it. (laughs)

Rosita (on recording): And the three little pigs lived happily ever after. Good night, my dears.

(Piglets snoring)

Rosita: Norma, are you awake?

Norman: (moans)

Rosita: How was your day, honey?

Norman: (yawns) Same as always.

Rosita: It was?

Norman: Mmm-hmm. I don't know how you do it all, honey. Good night.

Rosita: Good night.

Buster: (mimics trumpeting, humming)

(Buster pulls a towel and wipes the picture; saw his dad)

Buster: All creatures great and small, welcome to the Moon Theater!

Animals: (cheering)

Miss Crawly: Mr. Moon? I have Judith from the bank.

Buster: What? Oh, no, no. Tell her I'll call back in the morning.

Miss Crawly: I can't. She's right here.

Buster: Judith! Hello.

Judith: I work for a bank, not a charity. And if your accounts are not settled by the end of the month--

Buster: Okay. Judith, I personally guarantee by the end of the month this show is going to be the biggest hit this city has ever seen!

Judith: Mr. Moon, None of your shows have ever worked. NONE of them! You've had your chances. Now settle your accounts, or we will repossess this property!

Buster: Okay. Toodle-loo. (laughs nervously)

Miss Crawly: What are you gonna do, Mr. Moon?

Buster: Honestly... Uh, I have no idea.

[In Eddie's parents' pool house, Eddie is seen wearing a robe. He takes it off revealing a speedo. He dives in and swims in the water. He does another lap, emerges from the water, and lets out a yell when he sees Buster by the pool, sipping a juice box.]

Eddie: (screams)

Buster: Are you wearing a speedo, Eddie?

Eddie: What, what are you...

Eddie's mother: Eddie, is everything alright?

Eddie: Yeah, uh, just doing my laps, ma!

(Buster and Eddie are seen inside, playing a video game)

Buster: So, what, you live in the pool house now?

Eddie: Yeah, my folks want me to be more, you know, independent, I guess. They even hooked me up with this life coach dude.

Buster: Life coach?

Eddie: Yeah. I guess he's gonna help me find my purpose in life. I thought I had one, but, turns out, it wasn't the right one or something? I don't know. Anyway, he's got me on this whole schedule thing. It's like, Monday's, take out the recycling. Tuesday's, mow the lawn. Wednesday's, go visit Nana. Thursday's, clean the pool. It's like, don't we have people to do all this stuff?

Buster: Whoa, whoa. Back up. Your nana is still alive?

Eddie: Oh, yeah. (He kicks the surfboard revealing a picture of himself, his parents, and Nana who is old.)

Buster: Wow. And she's rich, right?

Eddie: She's loaded. But trust me, you don't wanna go near my nana. (shudders) She is one mean sheep.

Mike:

They're maybe trouble at hand

But while there's Moonlight

And music and love and romance

Buster: Now fade up the spot.

Mike:

And dance

Buster: Good. Lower the moon.

Miss Crawly: Coffee?

Buster: Thank you, Miss Crawly.

(cable creaks)

Buster: Okay, that's normal. Just needs a knock.

(Meena knocks the cable)

Buster: See? You're getting it.

Mike:

And while it's still got a chance

Miss Crawly: Anyone seen my glass eye? The darn thing keeps popping out.

Buster: (spits the glass eye by accident)

Mike: Soon... Whoa!

Miss Crawly: Oh!

Mike: You almost killed me, jumbo!

Meena: It wasn't me.

Mike: Oh, is that so? (screams)

Meena: (yells)

Buster: Pete?

Pete: (groans)

Buster: (gasps)

Pete: (moaning)

Buster: Pete, you're going to be fine! Just hang in there, buddy!

(indistnct arguing)

Buster: Ricky? Kai?

Howie: (crying)

Buster: Why aren't you guys rehearsing?

Howie: We're through! They said I'm an intolerable ego maniac! I don't even know what that means!

Buster: All right.. We're two acts down. Give me some good news, Miss Crawly.

Miss Crawly: Oh, it's not as bad as it looks.

(cracks)

Miss Crawly: Oopsie-daisy.

Buster: (sighs) Meena, how would you like to re-audition for the show?

Meena: Really? Well, yeah.

Buster: Great!

Meena: I mean, no.

Buster: What?

Meena: I mean, yes, I can sing. But, no, I get so nervous and i can't do it. I mean, I would totally do it, but... (stammers) No, I... No.

Buster: I'm gonna take that as a maybe.

(Q-Teez giggles)

(Japanese music playing)

Buster: Great! Look, they're back! We're gonna come back to this, Meena.

(Pop music playing)

(music stops)

Buster: Listen, guys, forget what I said before. You are very talented. Please, join the show. Okay? Yes? No? Oh, um... Here... (speaking Japanese)

Q-Teez: (gasps)

Buster: What? Hey, no! Wait, wait, wait! Don't go!

(Dance music playing)

Gunter: Oh. What is this for?

Rosita: Now, we use this to follow the steps.

Goddess on a mountain top

Burning like a silver flame

The summit of beauty and love...

Casper: (yelling)

Rosita: Casper! Casper, no!

Gunter: How about this? Ha-ha!

Rosita: Come on! What did I tell you? I'm so sorry, he had a fever and it was too late to get a sitter, so...

Casper: (giggling and shouting)

Rosita: Well, you seem fine now!

Gunter: Wow!

Well I'm your Venus

I'm your fire, at your desire.

Rosita: Stop! You're messing it up! Hey!

Ash: I am not singing this!

Buster: What's not to like? You're female and you're a teenager. This song was made for you.

Ash: (sarcastically) Wow. It's like you can see inside my tiny, teenage mind.

Buster: I know, right? You just gotta add some moves and a little bit of...

Hey I just met you. And this is crazy.

But here's my number. So call me maybe.

Go for it!

Ash: Oh, you mean like this?

Try to chase me!

But here's my number. So call me maybe!

Buster: There you go. You're a natural!

(playing piano; pounds on keys)

Johnny: (groan)

Miss Crawly: Yes, that was very bad.

Big Daddy (on radio): Johnny? Come in. Over.

Miss Crawly: Oh, Johnny, you're jacket's talking.

Big Daddy: Johnny, where are you?

Johnny: Dad, what's going on? Over.

Buster: What do you mean you gotta leave now?

Johnny: I know. I'm so sorry. It's just that I've got this family business thing.

Buster: Do I need to start worrying about your commitment here, Johnny? Tell me no.

Johnny: No. Absolutely not. I promise it won't happen again.

Buster: It better not.

Johnny: Thank you, Mr. Moon.

Ash: (sighs) Baby, I'm back.

Lance/Becky:

I would love to

Lance:

Change my friends to enemies.

Ash: What is going on here?

Becky: Hi, I'm Becky.

Ash: (angry) Becky?

Lance: Hey, what did you expect? You're never around anymore!

Ash: I did it for us, Lance! You and me!

Lance: (yells)

Becky: Oh sweetie, I'm sorry. I think I left my sunglasses in there.

(door slams)

Lance: (outside) Come on, Becky. Let's get out of here.

Ash: (sighs)

Mike: Jackpot, baby! Whoo-hoo! Well, I say we call it a night there, fellas. Hey, put the cash in my car, will ya, Derek? (laughs)

Bear Leader: Well, you're one great card player, Mike.

Mike: Not so bad yourself.

Nancy: (giggles)

Bear Leader: Except I still can't tell how you cheated.

Mike: Cheated? CHEATED? Oh, I am offended. Come on, baby. Let's cut some rug.

[Bear Leader saw the card on the back and grabbed him]

Mike: Oh! What the... Oh. (nervous chuckles) How did that get there? Run for it, baby!

Bear Leader: Hey! Get him!

Mike: (screams) Excuse me!

Bear Leader: Don't let him get away! (grunting)

Mike: Thanks, Derek!

Bear Leader: Out of the way!

(engine starts)

(tires screeching)

Mike: So long suckers! (laughs)

Bear Leader: (growling)

(cell phone rings)

Eddie: Good morning, Buster.

Buster: Hey, Eddie, how are you?

Eddie: Good. How's the show going?

Buster: Ah, it's going great. And hey, that's a sharp jacket you've got on today.

Eddie: Oh, thanks. Wait. (shrieks) What are you doing here?

Buster: Eddie, you can't come visit your nana without bringing her some flowers. Here.

(rings doorbell)

Eddie: What? No! Buster, no! Don't go in there!

Waiter: Yes, can I help...

Eddie: Buster!

Buster: Ah, Nana! Just look at you, dear. Wow! You don't look a day over 90!

Eddie: Oh my gosh!

Buster: Buster Moon! We met in Eddie's graduation.

Nana: Oh, lucky me. A visit from my useless grandson and his ghastly little theater friend.

Buster: Look at that, she remembers me. Okay, Nana, how would you like to be the sponsor for a very prestigious prize?

Nana: Not for that singing contest I saw on the news.

Buster: That's the one.

Nana: Oh, I see. You don't have the MONEY, do you?

Buster: Well, we don't quite have it all locked in...

Nana: Well, you won't get a cent out of me.

Buster: Nana, please just listen to me...

Nana: No, absolutely not.

Eddie: Don't listen to him, Nana.

Nana: I'm not listening to either of you. Lapsang souchong. No sugar. And be quick about it.

Eddie: Uh, Nana... I-- I don't know how to make tea.

Buster: Wow. I saw this show when I was a kid. Nana, you were absolutely amazing.

Nana: Please, this flattery is futile. I have no intention of bailing you out. (giggles) Your pathetic shows are the reason that theater no longer has an audience.

Buster: Oh, but this show is gonna pack them in like it did in the good old days.

Nana: They were not good old days, Mr. Moon. They were magnificent. And that theater of yours, it was a palace of wonder and magic.

Buster: But, Nana, it still is.

Eddie: Yeah, right. Ow!

Nana: I can recall the uslers in their velvet suits. Queues a mile long just to get a ticket. The curtain rising over that glorious stage.

Buster: Music and light bringing dreams to life?

Nana: Precisely.

Buster: Well, it's just like you remember it. In fact, I've made it even more spectacular.

Eddie: No, you haven't.

Buster: Shh. Come see for yourself. A special performance just for you. What do you say, Nana?

Nana: I say, you are a liar, Mr. Moon.

Eddie Okay, well... We're done now. Thank you, Nana.

Nana: But anything's better than spending another evening playing checkers with this old fart.

Waiter: What?

Buster: Great! it's gonna blow you away, Nana. And that is no lie!

[Back to the stage]

Buster: Now, listen up! Tomorrow we're going to have a full preview of the show. And our audience will be none other than Miss Nana Noodleman.

Mike: Nana Noodleman? She's still alive?

Buster: Oh, yes, and believe me, she's got some pretty high standards, alright. So, today we're gonna have a full dres rehearsal. And i want to see you light up the stage, folks!

Gunter: Well, thats cool.

Buster: Meena, Miss Crawly... What do you think?

Miss Crawly: Wow, it's so ambitious.

Meena: Yeah, are you sure about this?

Buster: I promised Nana something spectacular. And this.. (chuckles) It's gonna blow her away.

Miss Crawly: Oh, yes.

Buster: Two minutes, everybody.

Big Daddy (on radio): Johnny? Johnny, where are you? Johnny? Answer the walkie-talkie.

Johhny: Yeah, Dad. I'm here. I'm here. What's wrong?

Big Daddy: We got the call. Shipment's coming in.

Johnny: Tonight?

Big Daddy: Not tonight. Now. Meet us on the corner of Hector Street in two minutes.

Big Daddy : (laugh)

Big Daddy: Stay here. We'll be back in exactly 37--

Johnny: Yeah. 37 minutes. You told me, repeatedly.

Big Daddy: (grunts)

Johnny: I can make it.

Buster: Bravo, Mike! Nana is gonna love it! And may I add, I love the new suit!

Mike: Oh, you're too kind, Mr. Moon.

Buster: Can we have Ash out here, please? Ash, let's get you out here!

Mike: Oh, stand back. Moody teenager through.

Meena: Good luck, Ash.

(Cut to Johnny driving like a maniac to the Moon Theater he passes two cars which collide into each other)

Ash:

I threw a wish in the well, Don't ask me, I'll never tell

I looked to you as it fell, And now you're in my way.

Your stare was holdin', Ripped jeans, skin was showin''

Hot night, wind was blowin' (voice cracking) Where do you think you're going, baby?

(tearfully) I just met you, this is crazy, here's my number, so call me maybe!

Buster: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Okay, enough of that. Cut it, cut it, cut it. I don't think anyone's gonna call after that. Okay, Ash, um.

Ash: (sobbing)

Buster: Hey come on, Ash. What is it? Do you, do you not like the dress?

Ash: (crying)

(Ash unknowingly shoots quills out of her back. They fly and hit Buster in the face. Ash runs off stage sobbing)

Buster: Ow. Ow.

Rosita: Ash, what's wrong?

(Cut to Johnny driving like a maniac to the Moon Theater)

(Cut to backstage where Rosita is comforting Ash as the latter blows her nose into a handkerchief)

Rosita: Well, it sounds to me like you are WAY better off without that, that...

Gunter: That total super jerk dinkle-shplat!

Rosita: Exactly! Total super jerk dinkle...shplat.

Buster: Rosita, Gunter, you're on!

Rosita: (hands Ash her purse) Okay, here. There should be some gum or some candy in there somewhere. Just help yourself.

(Johnny bursts in all frantic)

Johnny: Rosita, Rosita, wait, wait, wait! Can I take your place, please?

Rosita: Sure Johnny. Go ahead.

Gunter: Okay, get ready 'cuz I'm warning you, (laughs) this stage is about to explode with major piggy power!

Rosita: I am so sorry. I have no control.

Johnny: (groan)

Gunter: Yeah! (laughs)

Rosita: Okay, you can do this.

I stay out too late. Got nothing in my brain

Oof!

Buster: Are you okay?

Gunter: Oh yes, I'm fine, thank you. How are you?

Buster: Okay, Johnny! Let's get you out here! And you guys, you've got to work on that routine! Take it away, Johnny!

Johnny:

What would I do without your smart mouth

Drawing me in and you kicking me out

You got my head spinning...

Gunter: You can't just sing it. You got to show the fire and desire!

Rosita: The fire went out a long time ago.

Gunter: What?

Rosita: Look, I can't even keep count of the steps!

Gunter: Ugh. Counting, shmounting. She sings too much with her head. Right?

Ash: (blows bubble and pops it)

Gunter: Yeah yeah, see? Forget the steps and just like, let the music take control of your body parts.

Rosita: My body parts are not responding, okay? It's never gonna happen. I should just be getting groceries.

Ash: Rosita, no!

Meena: Rosita, come on.

Gunter: Like, don't go!

(Rosita walks out of the Moon Theater)

Mike: Psst. Hey, hey down here. (Rosita looks down) You see three nasty looking bears out there?

Rosita: Uh, no.

Mike: Oh, Great. Hey, by the way, I love your act. Seriously, the part where you fall flat on your face, that cracks me up every time. See ya round, Porky!

Johnny: And you give me all of you, oh oh. Aw, man.

Buster: Johnny, uh, I know  I'm asking a lot of you...

Johnny: Mr. Moon, I'm really trying, I promise.

Buster: Uh... what about your backup song? Have you practiced that?

Johnny: Um, no yet.

Buster: Well, why don't we go back and work on that one, okay? I mean, look, if you play like that in front of Nana Noodleman... (Johnny runs off) Johnny?

Monkey: Hey!

Big Daddy: We are set for life now, boys! (laughs) What's going on? Where's Johnny?

Stan: He's not here.

(police sirens are heard)

Big Daddy: (gasp)

Stan: Run!

Johnny: I'm dead.

Ash:

(mumbling) Finally see it's not just a dream

When you set it all free, free

Okay, let me see here. (clears throat)

When you set it all free, all free, all free...

Bison Prisoner: No, Mom. I have not made any friends. What do you think this is, kindergarten?

Crane Prisoner: If you hadn't squealed to the cops, I wouldn't be in here right now.

Crocodile Prisoner: I'm only gonna be in here for a few years.

Big Daddy: Where were ya?

Johnny: Um, well, thing is, i-i went -to get gas, and, um...

Big Daddy: Don't lie to me!

Johnny: Um, I was at a rehearsal.

Big Daddy: Rehearsal? For what?

Johnny: I was at a singing contest. Look, Dad, I'm... I'm sorry. I just don't wanna to be in your gang. I wanna be a singer.

Big Daddy: A singer?

Johnny: Look, dad, no, it's okay, it's okay. I can get the bail money. There's a prize-- it's $100,000... [Big Daddy slams the desk and the whole room is silenced]

Big Daddy: How did I end up with a son like you, eh? You're nothing like me. You never were, and you never will be.

Johnny: I'll get you out! Dad, wait! I'll get the money! I promise!

Ms. Crawly: (shoked) Ah! Johnny! You gave me a fright there.

Johnny: Sorry, I didn't mean to. I just... Well, I know it's late, but I could really use some extra piano lessons.

Johnny: (playing piano) (mumbling)

Ms. Crawly: Ah-ha. Mmm. That's it. That's good. You're getting it.

PA announcer: Shoppers are reminded the store will close in 15 minutes. Thank you.

Rosita: (yawns)

PA announcer: The lady in aisle six. That was awesome. (applauds, whistles)

Meena: Mr. Moon, are you sure this is legal?

Buster: Uh, I don't know. But if you keep asking questions, we'll never get this done. (grunts) Now, hit it! Oh!

Meena: Ah!

Buster: A little higher. There it is! Thank you!

Waiter: Hey!

Buster: Posters up!

Waiter: You...

Buster: Now, run away!

Meena: (screaming)

Waiter: Come back here, you vandals!

Norman: Rosita, have you seen my car... Whoa! Rosita? What the... What's going on? Rosita! Kids. Where's mommy?

All: (screaming)

Johnny: Phew! How's that, Miss Crawly?

Miss Crawly: (snoring)

Meena: Hey!

Miss Crawly: (shoked) OH!

Meena: Sorry! Mr. Moon would like everyone to meet backstage before she arrives.

Ash: When you set it all free, all free, all free, you set it all free.

Buster: Wow. You wrote that?

Ash: Uh, yeah. Do you like it?

Buster: Are you kidding? It's fantastic! You've got to sing that today!

Ash: (happy)

Buster: Mike, you're on first.

Mike: Sure. (phone ringing) Just a second here. Honey, I'm busy. What? I can't hear you.

Buster: Rosita and Gunter, you're on after Mike.

Rosita: You got it, boss.

Gunter: Rosita! (laugh) Super cool! You've, like, totally come back!

Buster: Okay, Johnny, you follow them.

Johnny: What? Oh, yeah. I'm ready. Yeah, yeah.

Buster: Ash, you're...

Ash: After Johnny. Got it.

Buster: And Meena. Last chance, kid. You wanna join these guys out there today?

Meena: I would... I just get so scared.

Buster: Sure, you do. But you know how to get over that, right?

Meena: Uh, no.

Buster: You just start singing! Do what you love, then you'll be great, 'cause you won't be afraid anymore, because you'll actually be doing it. Right?

Meena: Uh...

Buster: Look, do you love to sing? I mean, do you really love it?

Meena: Of course I do.

Buster: Then you face this head on, Meena. Look, it's like my dad always said, "Don't let fear stop you from doing the thing you love."

Meena: Uh... Okay, I'll do it.

Buster: Great!

Miss Crawly: Mr. Moon! She's here!

Buster: Nana!

Nana: Oh! Do not even think of embracing me.

Buster: You got it. Eddie, please show your nana to the royal box.

Nana: Oh for heaven's sake! I'm perfectly capable of walking.

Eddie: You nervous?

Buster: Are you kidding? (laughs) I'm absolutely terrified.

Bear Thug #3:Boss, that's his car, isn't it? Right there!

Bear Leader: Pull over.

Ms. Crawly: Lapsang souchong, courtesy of Mr. moo... moo... (sneezes)

Nana: Wonderful.

Mike: H-honey, honey, the show is starting, all right? I-i can't talk now. I gotta go. Of course I love ya. You think I'd buy you diamond earrings if I didn't...

Bear Leader: Where is my money?

Mike: Okay, okay, listen, listen, i just, uh... I just maybe kind of, uh, spent it all. You know? No, no, no, please, please, wait! I'll give you the money. I'll-I'll get you... I'll get you $100,000!

Bear Leader: Where are you going to get that kind of money?

Mike: Moon! Okay? Moon's got my money.

Bear Leader: Who is this Moon?

Buster: All creatures great and small, welcome to the moon theater. I am your host, Buster Moon, and... Okay. Behold! The very first stage lit entirely by... Squid power. Yeah! Beautiful work, guys. Now just follow me on the beat. And as you can see, this is no ordinary theater. This is a palace of wonder and magic.

Eddie: He's done it! He's really done it, Nana!

Nana: Oh, goodness.

Buster: Now welcome our first contestant.

Bear Leader: Which one of you is Moon?

Buster: Hey, hey, hey, you can't just barge in here.

Bear Leader: You know this guy?

Buster: Mike?

Bear Leader: Right. Mike here says you got his money and it's in that box.

Buster: No, no, no, no, no, just hold on a moment here. That's prize money, and it's not Mike's unless he wins it fair and...

Mike: Give him the money!

Buster: Okay, okay. Hey, hey, hey, hey, take it. The whole chest. It's yours, okay? All right here.

Bear Leader: Open it.

Buster: Open it? I-i... no. Me?

Mike: Open it!

Buster: Okay, no, i-i... I just don't... I don't have the keys, so maybe you can come back later?

Bear Leader: Get out of the way!

Buster: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Wait!

Mike: Hey, hey, there you go. Big guy with a bat. Who needs keys, right? All right, well, let... Let's get this thing squared up now. What the...? That's it? That's all there is? He lied. Moon lied to us all.

Buster: Well, wait a second. I can explain. Okay?

Mike: He's your problem, not me.

Buster: This is just a prop.

Johnny: So where's the $100,000?

Rosita: You're kidding.

Johnny: I cannot believe you lied this whole time!

Ash: What's the big idea? You've wasted everyone's...

Buster: This was just--

All: (gasp)

Eddie: Buster, look out!

Meena: I'm stuck!

Johnny: (screams)

Eddie: Buster, it's falling! Let go!

Buster: Okay, okay, okay, steady, girl. Steady...

Johnny: (gasp)

Meena: (screams)

Ash: (yell)

Mike: No, no, no, no! (screams)

Johnny: (coughs)

Ash: (groan)

Meena: (coughs)

Buster: Is everyone okay? Nana! I-i-I'm so sorry. I-i just... No, no, no, no, no, don't... Don't go!

Ms. Crawly: Has anybody seen my glass eye?

Buster: Oh, it-it... It's right here, Ms. Crawly. I've got it.

Buster: Lookout!

Johnny: (coughs)

Buster: No...

Buster: Oh, dad. I'm so sorry.

Bear Leader: Where is Mike? He must be dead. Come on, let's go!

Piglets: Mommy, where are you? Help!

Rosita: Oh, my gosh!

Piglets: Help!

Rosita: Hold on! Mommy's here!

Ms. Crawly: Mr. Moon?

Ash: Come on, Moon. You can't just hide out in your buddy's pool house.

Rosita: Yeah, we just wanna make sure you're all right, that's all.

Rosita: Hey, Mr. Moon.

Johnny: You okay?

Buster: Guys, look. I'm sorry about what happened... And the prize money and...

Rosita: Oh, it's okay.

Buster: No. None of this is okay.

Ash: At least we're all in one piece.

Rosita: Yeah, and you know what? I bet we can find some other place to put the show on. Right?

All: Yeah!

Buster: The show? Guys, I'm done.

Johnny: Are you serious?

Ash: What do you mean, "Done"? Come on!

Buster: Didn't you see this? Huh? Look, it says I'm a "danger to society."

Gunter: Bah!

Buster: "A deluded, washed-up charlatan who never had a hit in his career."

Rosita: Oh, come on, you don't believe all that?

Buster: Yeah. I do.

Johnny: Listen, you're not the only one who lost something. We all did. I mean, I lost any chance of ever speaking to my dad again over this show.

Buster: Sorry...

Rosita: Oh, Mr. Moon, don't...

Johnny: Forget about it.

Gunter: What is this? I don't understand.

Ash: Come on, let's get out of here.

Meena: Mr. Moon?

Buster: Meena, please...

Meena: I baked a cake for you 'cause... Well, I know you're sad right now and probably afraid to try again and...

Buster: Yeah, I am afraid. I'm afraid that this... This, me, right now, this is who I am. This is-this is my lot for life. That I'm not the guy

that my dad wanted me to be. Not by a million miles.

Meena: But- but you told me...

Buster: What? What-what did I say?

Meena: Well, you know... "Don't let fear stop you from doing the thing you love."

Buster: Ugh! That's just a bunch of stupid, corny...

Meena: No, it's not.

Buster: What? You really believe that you're gonna be a singer?

Meena: Well, yeah, maybe...

Buster: Well, then you're just as big a fool as I am!

Meena: (gasp)

Buster: Look, kid... you and me, we're both afraid for good reason. 'Cause deep down, we know... We just don't have what it takes.

Eddie: (snoring) I'm awake, I'm awake! (shoked). Hey, Buster.

Buster on Phone: Hey, Eddie.

Eddie: Man, where'd you go? Are you okay?

Buster: Listen, could you meet me at the corner of Dinsdale and Lemington?

Eddie: (yawn) Now?

Buster: Yeah, please. And could you... Ahem. Could you bring me a spare Speedo?

Eddie: Speedo?

Eddie: Hey, Miss Crawly.

Ms. Crawly: Oh! Hello, Eddie!

Buster: Hey, did you bring the Speedo?

Eddie: The... Oh, yeah. Uh, here.

Buster: Great. You're a real pal, Eddie.

(honk)

Ms. Crawly: Oh! Our first customer!

Buster: Miss Crawly, fill the bucket. Be right with you, sir.

Eddie: Wait, what are you doing?

Buster: The only other job I know.

(honk)

Buster: (sigh) I'm just glad my dad isn't here to see this. Miss Crawly, if you would... (splashing water) Thanks.

Well, gotta go to work. Uh, I'll see you around, Eddie.

Crocodile: Come on! I ain't got all day!

Buster: Okay, I get it.

Crocodile: Aw, forget it. Too slow, dude.

Buster: (yells) Whoa!

(honk)

Eddie: One moment, please, sir! Well, you know the good thing about hitting rock bottom? There's only one way left to go.

And that's up. Come on. You wash. I'll dry.

(splashing water)

Buster: Thank you, Miss Crawly.

Eddie: Buster, where you going?

Buster: I, uh... Do you think you could sing like that in front of a real audience?

Meena: I don't know. But I wanna try.

Buster: Good. 'Cause I wanna see it.

Rosita: We are? Seriously? Oh, my gosh! Okay, yes. I'll be right over.

Johnny: Hello? Oh, hello, Mr. Moon.

Bob: Some say he's the worst showman this city's ever seen. Some say he's a walking disaster. A loose cannon.

Well, tomorrow night, the name Buster Moon will go down in entertainment history once and for all, as he and this bunch of bumbling

amateurs attempt to re-stage the show that brought down his theater.

Buster: Ah, don't you worry, Mike, all is forgiven. Just glad you're back in one piece.

Mike: Oh, yeah, you're too kind, Mr. Moon. And, uh, the prize money? I mean, it's real this time, right?

Buster: There is no prize money 'cause there's no competition. Tonight, you're singing for yourselves.

Two minutes, everybody! Final checks.

Mike: Singing for ourselves? Unbelievable. Who's he... This is crazy. I'm outta here.

Ms. Crawly: (use megaphone) Hello! We're putting on a show here. You all should come and see it! You! Come on!

Come on, fella! It's gonna be really good!

Buster: Hey, how's our new stage hand getting on?

Meena: He's learning fast.

Eddie: (shouting) All set and standing by! I love this headset!

Ms. Crawly: The audience are in their seats, Mr. Moon.

Buster: Great! (look to the audience) Hmm.

Norman: Caspar!

Buster: That's all?

Norman: Get your pants back on, young man! Please, you guys, please. Please sit down! Hey! Put your shoes back on right now!

Zoe, I saw that! Stop it! And, Leo, that is disgusting.

Bob: Well, John, I've covered many disasters for this network, but this is sure to... Oh, they're about to start.

Buster: Okay, guys, listen up! Look, I gotta tell you, um, there's not much of an audience out there tonight. But you know what?

It doesn't matter. It really doesn't. 'Cause tonight is our night. And whatever happens, I just want you all to know how proud

I am to be a part of this with you.

Rosita: Good luck, Mr. Moon.

Buster: Good luck, everyone... Whoa!

Eddie: Whoop! Uh... Sorry. Just jumped the cue there. Don't worry. I'm gonna get the hang of this.

Buster: Here we go. All creatures great and small...

Audience: (laugh)

Buster: ...welcome to the... Oh, hello, there. Great! Welcome to our newly refurbished, open-air theater.

Rosita: You ready, big guy?

Gunter: Yeah. I'm like totally ready.

Rosita: All right! (grunt) Let's do this.

Buster: Gunter and Rosita!

Rosita:

I stay out too late.

Got nothing in my brain.

That's what people sa-ay. Mm-mm.

That's what people sa-ay. Mm-mm.

Gunter:

I go on too many dates.

But I can't make 'em stay.

At least that's what people sa-ay. Mm-mm.

That's what people sa-ay. Mm-mm.

Bob: (laughs) Are you getting this?

Rosita:

But I keep cruising..

Can't stop, won't stop moving.

It's like I got this music in my mind.

Saying it's gonna be alright.

Piglets: Whoa!

Rosita:

I never miss a beat.

I'm lightning on my feet.

And that's what they don't se-ee. Mm-mm.

That's what they don't se-ee. Mm-mm.

Gunter:

AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!

Both:

AH!-AH!-AH!

Players gonna play, play, play, play, play

And the haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate

Baby, I'm just gonna shake, shake, shake, shake, shake

Piglets: I shake it off, I shake it off

(on TV)

Both:

Players gonna play, play, play, play, play

And the haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate

Cat: Aren't they great?

Mike: What, are you kidding me? It's like watching Jell-o dancing around!

Cat: Huh. Like you could do any better, pipsqueak.

(laughter)

Mike: Alight, alright. Hey you wanna see something great? I'll show ya great.

Rosita:

Heartbreakers gonna break,

Gunter:

Fakers gonna fake,

Rosita:

I'm just gonna shake,

Both:

I shake it off, I shake it off

shake it off, shake it off, ah-ah

I shake it off, I shake it off, ah-ah

I shake it off, I shake it off, ah-ah

I shake it off, I shake it off

Piglets: (cheers)

Buster: Gunter and Rosita! Kids! No! Back to your seats!

Rosita: Okay, okay. Whoa! Norman!

Gunter: Alright! Piggy power! Ha-ha!

Piglet: That was great!

Bob: Well, it seems I'm not the only one who actually enjoyed that. Crowds are beginning to arrive at the scene.

Buster: Help!

Rosita: I'm so sorry, Mr. Moon.

Buster: Johnny, you're on next.

Johnny:

You could never know what it's like

Your blood like winter freezes just like ice

And there's a cold lonely light that shines from you

You'll wind up like the wreck you hide behind that mask you use.

(on TV)

And did you think this fool could never win?

Well look at me, I'm comin' back again

Big Daddy: What is that? Turn it down, will ya?

Johnny: I got a taste of love in a simple way.

Big Daddy: Oy, Didn't you hear me? I said, turn it...

Johnny: And if you need to know while I'm still standing you just fade away.

Big Daddy: Johnny?

Johnny:

And don't you know I'm still standin' better than I ever did?

Lookin' like a true survivor,

Big Daddy: Johnny.

Johnny: feelin' like a little kid

Big Daddy: It's Johnny! That's my son!

Johnny:

And I'm still standin' after all this time

Picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind

Big Daddy: My son...

Johnny:

I'm still standin', yeah, yeah, yeah

I'm still standin', yeah, yeah, yeah

Police Officers: What the... Heey!

Johnny: Once I never could hope to win

Police Officers: Hey, hey, hey!

Johnny:

You startin' down the road leavin' me again

The threats you made were meant to cut me down

And if our love was just a circus you'd be a clown by now

And don't you know I'm still standin' better than I ever did?

Lookin' like a true survivor, feelin' like a little kid

And I'm still standin' after all this time

Pickin' up the pieces of my life without you on my mind

I'm still standin', yeah, yeah, yeah

I'm still standin', yeah, yeah, yeah

I'm still standin', yeah, yeah, yeah

('Audience cheers)

Buster: What about that, huh? Give it up for Johnny, folks!

('Audience cheers)

Rosita: What's with the face? You were great! They loved you!

Johnny: Yeah, thanks, Rosita.

Buster: Alrgiht. Welcome to all you new comers. You are just in time to meet a teenager who was recently dumped by her boyfriend.

Audience: Aw!

Buster: I know, right? But she's going to chase those blues away with a song of her very own. Allow me to introduce the singing sensation... Ash.

(Audience cheers)

Buster: Judith?

Judith: You are all trespassing on private property...

Buster: WHAT!?

Judith: and you will leave right now.

Buster: No, no, no. Judith...

Judith: All of you.

Ash:

I followed my heart into the fire

Got burned got broken down by desire

I tried I tried but the smoke in my eyes left me blurry

Blurry and blind.

I picked all the pieces up off the ground

I've burned all my fingers but that's gone now

Got the glue in my hands and stickin' to the plan

Judith: I am calling the police.

Ash:

Stickin' to the plan that says "I can"

Do anything at all

I can do anything at all

This is my kiss goodbye

You can stand alone and watch me fly 

Cause nothing's keeping me down

Gonna let it all out

Come on and say right now, right now, right now

Becky: Ugh, Seriously? She's not even that good.

Lance: Yeah, yeah. Totally.

Ash:

This is my big hello

Cause I'm here and never letting go

I can finally see, it's not just a dream

When you set it all free, all free, all free

You set it all free

(playing guitar)

This is my big hello

Cause I'm here and never letting go

I can finally see, it's not just a dream

When you set it all free, all free, all free

You set it all free

Ash: Uh, you guys okay?

(audience cheers)

Q-Teez: Ash! Ash! Ash!

Buster: What about that? (laughs) We just witnessed a birth of a genuine rock star!

Ash: Moon, you, you got some stuck here. [pulls a quill out of Buster's face]

Buster: OW!

Buster: He may be tiny, but there's no denying his enormous talent. Would you please welcome to the stage, Mike!

Rosita: What are you doing back here?

Mike: Relax, sweetheart. Just came back to show you bozos how it's really done. Now watch this.

Mike:

And now the end is near

So I face the final curtain

My friend, I'll say it clear

I'll state my case of which I'm certain

(on TV)

I've lived a life that's full

Bear Thug #2: Boss! That is him! That is Mike!

Mike:

I've traveled each and every highway

And more, much more than this

I did it my way

Regrets, I've had a few

But then again, too few to mention

I did what I had to do

And saw it through without exception

Big Daddy: I am so proud of you.

Mike:

I planned each charted course

Each careful step along the byway

And more, much more than this

I did it my way

You gotta be kidding me.

For what is a mouse, what has he got

If not himself, then he has naught

To say the things he truly feels

And not the words of one who kneels

The record shows I took the blows

Pig: Negative. I've lost sight of the suspect and am terminating pursuit.

Mike:

And did it my way...

(audience cheers)

Cat: That pipsqueak really was great.

Mike: Thank you. Thank you so much. Oh, please, you're too kind, really. Look at me, I'm turning red. Stop! I can't take it.

Keep-keep it coming.

Big Daddy: Well, I better get back. They'll be wondering what happened to me (laugh). You'll visit me though, yeah?

Johnny: Yeah, course I will.

Big Daddy: See you, son.

Buster: We have one final act for you tonight. Would you please welcome to the stage for her first ever live appearance, Meena!

(audience cheers)

Buster: Meena? Is she coming out? Meena, what's wrong? Are you okay?

Meena: I... I can't move. I'm... I'm terrified.

Buster: Give me your hand, kid. Okay, deep breaths. Deep breaths, and remember what I told you.

You will not feel afraid anymore if you just start singing.

Audience: Meena!

Meena: Oh! Oh, I'm so sorry!

Mike: (laugh out loud)

Meena: Uh... Okay. Uh...

Buster: Sing.

Meena: Okay.

(nervous) Everybody's got a thing

But some don't know how to handle it

Always reaching out in vain

Just taking the things not worth having but

Don't you worry 'bout a thing

Don't you worry 'bout a thing, mama

'Cause I'll be standing on the side

When you check it out

(audience cheers)

Meena:

They say your style of life's a drag

And that you must go other places

Just don't you feel too bad

When you get fooled by smiling faces

Don't you worry 'bout a thing

Don't you worry 'bout a thing, baby

'Cause I'll be standing on the side

When you check it out

Mike: Whoo-hoo!

Meena: When you get it off your trip

Mike: Guys, guys, wait. We can talk this over, right? We're all reasonable individuals here.

Nancy: Get in! Quick!

Mike: Oh, thank you, sweetheart! Whew! That was close!

Nancy: Yeah.

Meena:

Everybody needs a change

A chance to check out the new, yeah

But you're the only one to sees

The changes you take yourself through

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!

(theater destroyed)

(audience cheers)

Meena: Don't you worry 'bout a thing

Audience: Thing...

Meena: Don't you worry 'bout a thing

Raymond: Thing...

Meena: Don't you worry 'bout a thing! Yeah...

Richard: Thing...

Meena: Don't you worry 'bout a thing

Bunnies: Thing...

All:

Oh, Pa-pa-p, pa-pa-pa-pa

Pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa

Pa-pa-p, pa-pa-pa-pa

Pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa

Meena:

Don't you worry!

Don't you worry 'bout a thing, mama

'Cause I'll be standing, I'll be standing, by you

Oooooh, ooooooooh, ooh, whoooooaaaaaaahhh don't you worry 'bout a thing!

(audience cheers)

Meena's Mom: Meena!

Buster: Go, go! [the performers, except Mike, take a bow] Oh, Dad, I wish you could see this.

Nana: (whistles, 'applauds)

Buster: All creatures great and small. Welcome to the New Moon Theater!

THE END

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